Baby Jack is Born

As I mentioned in the first blog, our sweet baby boy John Andrew (Jack) was born December 23.  He was such a beautiful baby.  The first time I held him and looked into his sweet, almond-shaped eyes, I knew he might have Downs.  I knew, but I hoped not.  He had some difficulty breathing at the very first, and the neonatal team had whisked him away to NICU triage before we had much time to spend with him.  Wanting to confront my fears, I asked the nurse directly if they had taken him away because they suspected Downs.  I was hoping with all my heart she would say, "No, no, no - nothing like that.  It was just some trouble breathing," and I would relax.  Instead, she hesitated a moment, and said "You noticed."  My heart dropped, and I knew that our lives had changed forever.  I was afraid I wouldn't love a baby with Downs the same way I would love a typically developing child.  (Of course in a few days time I found that I did - he had me wrapped around his little finger.)

A week later, we received genetic confirmation that our sweet Jack has Downs Syndrome.  As a speech pathologist, I have sometimes found myself giving parents news that would bring them grief.  I felt sorry for them, but of course I couldn't directly relate.  Now, I was the parent receiving that news.  This diagnosis was not what we had expected.  I cried hard those first few weeks.  I cried for us, and I cried for him.  My sweet baby boy.  I didn't want him to struggle, or feel sad because he was different, or feel isolated from his peers.  I didn't want others to look down on him, or think less of him, because of his intellectual disability or facial differences.  Part of me still doesn't want him to ever grow up.  I am afraid this is the only short time in his life in this world that he won't be considered impaired or delayed.

Still, I wonder how I will feel years from now as I read over this blog.  I wonder how right and how wrong I will feel about these things that worry me now.  I think, as my mom said, he will make a difference in the lives of his family members - in his mom and dad, aunts and uncles, and cousins, and perhaps even brothers or sisters, if God allows it.  That people will better grasp the value of human life.

I love him so much.  He is such a beautiful baby boy.

More pictures and videos to come...